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Abigail George
This is How I Ended UP (1)
(For my Brother)
Like the imprint, a blanket
Of ghostly emblazoned stars
That adorned the night sky
Shining, sparkling like crystals,
Like glitter stuck up there
You rose, accomplished, gifted and tender
A colossus; you carried me through,
I walked upright;
Not giving up
I tried to change
Yet touched by or frozen in time
You stayed with me
Kept me strong even
Like verdant seawater at midnight,
Or the eye of a storm.
From the darkness visible
That threatened
To swallow me whole
It’s hard to say what to count
Imprint, thumbprint, fingerprint,
Fingers clutching at straws; at threads
When you can’t feel anything
In tense wind or under belated fire;
Glowing, fierce, titian and unbalanced.
Without any bulges, journeys
At the crossroads, to add dissension and burden
To outspoken underground voices,
To leave me to manage lies with bad feelings
It left me once a dreamer, a walking miracle –
Free to journey like salt trapped on a sea
breeze.
This is how I ended up (2)
Or caught at the back of my throat
Like a black hole or a child standing alone
Listening to the ocean in the fragment of a
seashell.
I wait for the thrilling beauty
Of your words that seize me,
From the brink of failing or falling
I try and fix my blank slate; I try
Not to make it public – pull it all
Together despite my inner despair or hope.
Dreaming is the way for me to go; a smile;
It doesn’t injure me or cause me distress
To distraction – I know where I’m going.
Although it eats away at my soul -
Summons cuts, blessings, tests and deceit
It is not a mask; it is only a temporary face
upfront.
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