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Drama
WORTH THE WAIT
A play by
JINGII
(Emmanuella Celestina Nduonofit)
DRAMATIS PERSONAE
BEN
MYLES
BEGGAR
THREE POLICEMEN
WOMAN IN WRAPPER
FEMALE PASSER-BY
A DRIVER
A PASTOR
Act One
There is nothing on stage except a bus-stop
sign.
MYLES,
dressed in an expensive three-piece suit,
saunters in eating in ravenous relish. After a
while,
BEN,
dressed in a normal white shirt, black trousers
with shoes and covered in a drab, grey trench
coat, walks in, hands in coat pockets. Myles
hurriedly gulps up his food. Silence. Then…
BEN: (extends
his hand)
Hello. I am Ben.
MYLES:
(receives it a bit nervously)
I’m Myles.
They shake. Silence.
MYLES:
Which Ben are you?
BEN:
What?
MYLES:
I mean, what kind of a Ben are you?
BEN:
(carelessly)
I’m just Ben, you know. Benson, Benlowes,
Bentham, Bentley, Benito, Benedetto. Take
anyone you like.
MYLES:
Oh I see.
Silence.
MYLES:
You’re waiting for the bus, too?
BEN:
Yes.
MYLES:
I’m waiting for the bus as well.
BEN:
It’s a special kind of bus, I hear.
MYLES:
It’ll take us to that place.
BEN:
Most certainly. It’s a special kind of place, I
hear too.
MYLES:
What kind of bus do you think will take us to
that kind of place?
BEN:
A good bus. It must be a good bus. Good
throughout.
MYLES:
(wonderingly)
That place must be wonderful.
BEN: So
I hear.
MYLES:
I heard that too.
BEN:
Well, let us just wait for the bus then.
MYLES:
OK.
Silence.
MYLES:
A fine house I have.
BEN:
Is it?
MYLES:
Yes. Everywhere white. Everywhere silicon.
Everywhere terracotta. Everywhere satin.
Everywhere lace. Wonderful house. (hands in
pockets)
BEN:
(absent-mindedly)
I see.
MYLES:
You know, I feel like going back there.
(turns to go)
BEN:
Well, I can’t go back to mine.
MYLES:
(still)
Why not?
BEN:
Why? You ask me why? When you get to your
house, the first place you enter is the toilet.
The lavatory, to be polite. After a hard day’s
work, you would be filled with waste in you.
You enter the toilet – em, lavatory. Tribes of
human faeces infested with bold and shy flies
greet you. If you are a polite person, you
politely depart. If you are as desperate as I
am, you will damn all consequences. So, you
see, I cannot enter my house without entering
the toilet – lavatory.
MYLES:
(pitifully)
Oh poor you.
BEN:
Not at all. Not at all. I live in a peaceful
environment. The people living above me feed my
ears with the music of the 21st century and
beyond, while the people downstairs compete with
traditional, fuji, reggae highlife music of ages
past. This happens every night and day and
afternoon. That is, when NEPA loves us.
MYLES:
(laughs)
I live isolated. And do you know what? I hate
it.
BEN:
Why?
MYLES:
I am tired of admiring my house.
A female passer-by catwalks by. She is in
skimpy jeans shorts, a transparent blouse and
platform shoes. Myles wolf whistles and
stretches out to touch her. Ben restrains him.
BEN:
Do not touch her!
MYLES:
Why not?
Ben sings the chorus of the hip-hop song
“Dangerous” by Busta-Rhymes and even dances to
it. Myles scratches his head.
MYLES:
What makes you think so?
BEN:
What day is today?
MYLES:
I don’t know.
BEN:
Is it not Nwikpi… or Uwe?
MYLES: (with
great content)
The first one, sheer lace, scoop-neck,
long-sleeve dress, with wide ribbon piping at
neck, cuffs and hemline. The second one,
three-piece skirt suit with three-button,
long-sleeved, notch-collared short jacket and
midriff blouse. The third one, black lace,
round-neck, cap-sleeve dress worn over wide
colourful cummerbund and bikini. You know, I
really do not know which one of them was the
sweetest. They were all sweet in my bed.
BEN:
Why do you think about women this way?
MYLES:
One just passed my way. I could not help but
reminisce.
BEN:
(shrugs)
Well, I like the noisy comfort of my quiet home
with only one, who later left me for another.
MYLES:
Nonsense! You should have kept her.
BEN:
How?
MYLES:
With a drug.
BEN: What
drug?
MYLES: Viagra.
BEN: (shrugs
again)
How do you think that bus would look like?
MYLES: (thinks
for a while)
Hm. Fine. In fact, better white, better
silicon, better terracotta, better satin, better
lace. Better wonderful bus.
BEN: Well
then, let us wait for the bus.
MYLES: OK.
Silence.
MYLES: (laughs)
A funny man my late father.
BEN: How?
MYLES: When
I was a boy, I made it a point of duty to watch
him dress up before he goes for a constitutional
conference. He must always wear boxer shorts
under his regalia.
BEN: What
for?
MYLES: Just
in case there is a “small quarrel” over there.
(takes a professional boxer pose)
Ben chuckles and does the same. At first, they
playfully box each other. Gradually, it turns
into a serious fight. Quickly, Ben withdraws.
MYLES: A
sudden brief illness took him away.
BEN: Pity.
Pity.
MYLES:
Pity indeed.
Silence.
MYLES: They
keep coming. Each girl hot in my arms. As they
keep on coming, it is getting hotter and hotter
and hotter.
BEN: (angrily)
What is the matter with you?
MYLES:
Don’t mind me. Such a fickle thing. She is so
so weak in my arms. And my desire is so so
high. I don’t let her rest. I just keep on
doing it. (demonstrates) And yet she
comes out, high, proud, big, enormous, huge,
it-is-my-prerogative. A no-nonsense woman she
is now.
BEN:
Are you crazy?
MYLES:
Please, I say again. Do not mind me.
BEN:
I am trying to concentrate.
MYLES:
On what?
BEN:
That place that bus will take us to. I guess
you were miles away.
MYLES:
Oh yes. It should be a wonderful place, that
place.
A beggar comes in, obviously tattered in rags.
He carries a nylon bag of coins and he sings a
doleful song. He approaches Ben and Myles.
Myles fishes out a fifty-naira note from his
pocket.
MYLES:
This is 50 naira. Take it and give me 49 naira
change.
BEGGAR:
But oga sah, I no get dat kind money.
Please pity me.
MYLES:
You are very mad! (snatches his bag of
coins) What is this? Get away!
The beggar sorrowfully exits with the fifty
naira. Myles counts the coins and contentedly,
he pockets them. Ben watches him forlornly and
afterwards shrugs.
BEN:
Well, I’ll be going.
MYLES: Won’t
you wait for the bus again?
BEN:
I don’t know.
MYLES:
I’ll be going, too.
BEN:
You won’t wait for the bus?
MYLES:
(pause)
I don’t know.
Long silence.
BEN:
(frustrated) Abeg I dey go jo!!
MYLES:
Me, too.
They exit in different directions.
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